Willis C. Crumb 

An introduction to the Life and Works of Willis C. Crumb*

 

Willis C. Crumb, prophet, theologian, political genius and noted raconteur, describes his conversion and the new role in life...

My transcendental experience occurred one memorable Friday evening a few months ago.  The report I saw on the evening news that our President was promising "billions of dollars of Federal aid to faith-based organizations" was not of immediate interest to me.  But a little while later, after I'd poured myself another cognac, I was surfing the Internet when I came across the Coherent Church site.  A circle of light surrounded me and for a few moments of revelation the room was diffused in a vibrant pinkish glow.  At once, I knew this was an organization I had to join.  Who, after all, can top an offer of immortality, coupled with a sudden vacancy in the Church leadership?

Abandoning the material world and sacrificing everything I owned, I became reborn as Brother Negroni, a humble Coherent votary unable to indulge in such self-promotion as autobiographical writing or even frivolous fiction.  Now my only creative writing is for the benefit of our country -- but I'll come back to that later. 

Since that mystical moment of revelation, I've had some disappointments.  In particular, the US Senate failed to support the President's proposed generosity and obtaining Federal funds proved harder than anticipated.  But as one door closes, another opens. 

Many have noted that the President of the United States and I have much in common, like two peas in a pod.  Like our President,  I am an ardent advocate of Sound Science, which is the foundation not only of the US Administration's science-based policies but also of our own Coherent Church faith.  Now I assist my friend George by using my extensive understanding of Sound Science to debunk such myths as global warming and diminishing planetary resources.  More recently I've employed my creative writing skills to help the Government outline from time to time new terrorist scares that are effective in keeping the populace in a continuing state of compliant fear. 

Who do you think came up with the idea of the rainbow color scale for Terror Alerts? It was also my idea to maintain warnings on yellow or orange to make people frightened enough to be cowed, malleable and loyal without quite panicking. 

Your Brother in Coherence,
Negroni (né Crumb)

Willis also wrote a short story "Tuscan Retreat" about his trip to Florence, encounters with the locals and sicovery of the wonderful alcoholic refreshment known as a "Negroni". Download the story if you dare!

* Willis C. Crumb was the invention of Richard Graham-Yooll - he and everything he wrote is pure fiction!